I Live For You
by bunny chan
Summary: this is one really weird story, trust me! you'll get confunded just by reading this! LJ type and it's sorta pointless. flames [hope not! crosses fingers] and reviews, please?


# I Live For You

_bunny chan_

'Give it back to me!!!' Sirius Black's scream echoed through the quiet halls of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry as he chased a pair of mischievous looking students. One with dark, flaming red hair and dull green eyes and the other with messy black hair and glasses shielding his twinkling brown ones.

'Come back!!!!!' Sirius cried again.

'Shan't!' Lily Evans laughed, pulling a face at Sirius as she sprinted off.

'This photo's worth a million galleons!' James Potter breathed, holding up a photo in his hands.

'A million only? It's priceless!' Lily shrieked.

'Well, since it was Sirius who's the one kissing, I guess you're right,' James said.

'Come back and give it to me!!!' Sirius screamed.

'Is it even yours?' Lily called.

'Yes!!!'

'But it's my camera!' James laughed. The two head boy and girl sprinted off and turned around the corner before calling a password at Boris the Bewildered to let them into the Prefects' bathroom. Dropping down, they started taking deep breaths.

'So, what do we do with this?' James said, holding the photo up. Sirius had just stomped by, crying for Lily and James.

'What else? Let me duplicate it and we'll blackmail him!' Lily said mischievously. Before James gets a chance to reply, Lily had already tapped her wand on the photo, duplicating it. She pocketed the original and held out the other, grinning deviously.

'Lets see, what can we make him do?' James asked, pondering at what to make Sirius do.

'I know!' Lily said gleefully after some thought.

'Spill the beans.'

'No beans, sorry.'

'I mean say it already!'

'Oh, okay. You know the coming year end ball?'

'Yes, and what do we do?'

'Get him to tell his crush or his date! And then we can brew the Polyjuice Potion and disguise as Sirius and ask her out!' Lily said proudly.

'Brilliant, for a girl like you, but one tiny flaw.'

'What is it? I had everything planned!'

'The Polyjuice Potion takes days to brew.'

'I hadn't thought of that before? I had a cauldronful in my dorm.'

'What? How come?'

'Uh, I kinda use it to disguise as you and invite Gertrude Lapster out.'

'You WHAT???'

'I disguised as you to ask that Hufflepuff out. She agreed, very happy about it, nonetheless.'

James gave her a weak grin. 'You think I'm going to?'

'You'll have to,' Lily grinned. James looked horrified.

'Nah, just kidding you only!'

He breathed a sigh of relief.

'I had it brewing 'cause I wanna find out how Snape managed to use those spells. Taking Lucius Malfoy's form. I needn't to, anyway. Rita bombarded it to me last week.'

'Trust that reporter-wanna-be to do things like that. So, we'll blackmail Sirius and we'll use that potion to invite her, right?'

'Right.'

'I have an easier idea. Why not we just get this girl Sirius just kissed and invite her to the ball with Sirius?'

'What about this photo then?'

'I know! We'll give it to Rita and she'll burst everything into the school!'

The two laughed at the idea of Sirius, one of the most wanted bachelor, finding out that him kissing Killy Wreng went around the school in a matter of seconds.

'Speaking of the ball, have anyone to go out with?' James asked.

'Not yet. Wanna go with me? I'm bored,' Lily said, yawning.

'It's supposed to be the other way round, Lily.'

'So? They don't call me a tomboy for nothing and I'm not a Gryffindor if I started acting like the girls; giggling and laughing at every slightest thing.'

'Okay, Lily?'

'Yeah?'

'Wanna go with me to that ball?'

'I thought I'd invited you already.'

'It's supposed to be me inviting you, stupid!'

'I'm not stupid, James Potter!'

'Okay, tomboy!'

'I still resent being called that!'

'Okay Madam Lily.'

'Get a better name, would you?'

'Lily then, okay?'

'So much nicer. Thank you very much. Wanna go for a swim?'

'How? Now? In this bathroom? The prefects'll be here any sooner! We're not allowed here any more!'

'Well, not exactly. Come on then!'

Lily eagerly grabbed James and made him sit at the windowsill.

'Huh?' James said stupidly.

'Now, let's dive!!!' Lily cried before jumping off the windowsill. She held her nose hard, closed her eyes and let the wind run past her shoulder-length hair.

'Lily!!' James called. 'Don't you know it's dangerous?'

This was replied by a loud splash from the lake, which happened to be right at the bottom. Lily immediately stood up with the giant squid's help. James gingerly made a dive, just as the bathroom door opened.

'If I'm ever killed, it's your fault,' James muttered before splashing into the water. Lily let out a laugh from the top.

'How's that for a bath?'

'Very, very fun. I can't swim in deep places,' James groaned.

'Really? Then you should drown by now. We're at the middle of the lake.'

'Oh really? Blurp blurp blurp. I'm drowned.'

Lily laughed at his antics.

'Get up! I know you can swim!'

'Typical for you to notice it.'

'There you are! Gimme back now!!!' Sirius cried from the bank of the lake. He proceeded to run over the water, but fell into the lake, cold and dripping.

'He's the one that couldn't swim! Hey Padfoot! Like the water?' James laughed.

'I hate you! Gimme back that photo now!'

'Never!' Lily said. She pulled a piece of paper from the pocket before eating it up.

'You ate that photo!!!!!!!?????? No!! Gimme back!'

'You can't swim, as I'd heard. Try your best!' Lily waved. She helped James on the giant squid before ordering it to take them to the other side of the lake.

'You know this squid?' James asked.

'Yep! He's my friend,' Lily said, patting the squid fondly.

'So much for you being weird enough. Oh well, I'll just remember to send Sirius a parchment with an enclosed bomb.'

'You can do that? Teach it to me later, kay?'

'Sure. Why did you eat that photo?'

'That's not a photo. In fact, it's a sugar parchment.'

'Oh really? Where did you get it?'

'Honeydukes, wherelse?'

'I didn't remember them selling these.'

'I got it when they were on a really good mood. I know those people well.'

'How is that so?'

'Um, my mother's sister's cousin's friend's boyfriend's mother owned it.'

'How did you manage to memorize that?'

'When people asks, you'll just have you answer.'

'What does that mean?'

'I'm feeling pretty weird.'

And before James could even reply, Lily fell down in a faint.

'Hello? Lily? Lily you okay?' he waved a hand in front of Lily.

No response.

'Hey Lily? Lily? Hey, don't scare me here! Lily??'

Nothing. James thought for a bit.

'The ice-cream van is here!' James said in Lily's ears. Immediately, she jumped straight up and started looking around.

'Where's it? Where's it?' Lily said eagerly.

When you had to deal with Lily as a partner in crime, it's always good to know what she always liked.

'It just went.'

'WHAT?'

'It. Went. Away.'

'Oh well, who cares?' Lily took out her wand, transfigured another sugar parchment into an ice-cream and started eating it.

'So what happened to that photo?' James asked.

'It was with you.'

James checked his pockets before drawing out the photo, shielded by a hard plastic cover to prevent water from getting into it. He put it back before drying himself.

'Why did I ever agree on that stupid engagement?' James muttered.

'Sorry?' Lily said, looking up. Her mouth was covered with ice-cream.

'Nothing. Something mom and dad made me do. As in the "uphold the family honor" for them.'

'Okay. Let's get back. It's pretty dark already,' Lily said. They took the trip back on the giant squid, which Lily named Squishy.

'Some name for a squid,' James muttered.

'Well, my mother gave me the name Lily. I hate it. I turned weird because of it. I'm a freak Petunia said because of it. How many "Lily" do you find?'

'You're the only one.'

'That's right. Everything went wrong because of my weird name. I bet everything started because of my weird name.'

'Okay, enough already! We'll be late for food!' James said. Immediately, Lily started skipping to the Great Halls. _Actually, it is why did I ever agree on taking care of her? Oh yeah, mother_, James thought silently to himself, following Lily.

Lily's parents had died in an accident somewhere and her mother being really close friends with James' mother (they're both witches), had appointed her best friend to be Lily's guardian in case anything bad happened to them. To hide away the sad part of her parents' death, Lily started acting really strange. Her personality, for instance, is turning into one even worst then Sirius'. Worried for her, James' mother asked her son to keep and eye on the red head so as she doesn't gets into too much trouble or maybe kill herself.

'Lily, slow it down!' James called.

'Sure, James,' Lily said, hopping towards him.

'I'll turn you into a rabbit if you don't stop jumping!'

'And I'll turn you green if you even dare pull your wand!'

'Okay, let's just go for dinner,' James laughed. He pushed Lily into the Great Hall before sitting her next to him with the Marauders. Lily looked hungrily at the food before eating everything happily. James looked at Lily sadly. _She sure changed a lot_.

'Lily's getting weirder each day, isn't she?' Remus commented.

'Ever since last christmas, to be exact,' Peter replied, taking a bite on his pudding.

'Since when does she starts acting like me?' Sirius said sourly.

'Last christmas, her parents died,' James said.

'What?'

'They. Died. Unknown cause. I'm supposed to take care of her, now that she went a little bonkers in head. Her studies are actually even better than average though,' James explained slowly.

The Marauders nodded their head, showing that they understood everything.

'But isn't the change drastic?' Remus said.

'Very. She had her personality back to a seven year old, but her mind suddenly advanced into a higher level,' James whispered.

'Poor thing. I bet she's really unhappy. How did the Head Girl duties go then?' Sirius inquired, everything about the photo forgotten.

'Marvellously. Despite that, she even managed to do everything else perfectly.'

'That's what I call drastic then.'

The four watched as Lily ate up everything at top speed.

'What? I'm a growing girl!'

'We know, but that's too much even for a giant!' Peter stared, open mouthed.

'Even for fifteen giants, you mean,' Remus said. The rest of the Gryffindor table seemed to look at Lily that way too. Lily waved her wand calmly before running out of the Hall, waving goodbye. The Gryffindors, minus the Marauders, all had long noses.

'Is there a chance to cure her?' Remus asked worriedly.

'The doctor said she's healthy, and as for her state of mind, it can be counted as okay since she had the shock.'

'Is there any chance to cure her mind?' Peter asked worriedly, looking at the Gryffindors.

'Another shock might help put it back in place,' James said.

'Another shock? Oh, like what? Her sister dying?' Sirius said.

'If Petunia dies, she'll be even more happier,' James corrected.

'I don't want to think there,' Remus shivered.

'I think I'll go check her now. She might be blowing something at the moment,' James said, getting up before rushing out to the Gryffindor common room.

'Dancing Pixies. Lily in there?' James asked the portrait of Fat Lady.

'Yes, she most certainly is! What's up with her these days? Christmas getting into her head too much?' the Fat Lady replied.

'Something really shocked her. Thanks!' James climbed into the common room. True enough, Lily was sitting there alone, staring into something in her hands stonily.

'What's that Lil?'

'Huh? Oh, hi James! Just thought I'd see my parents again,' Lily smiled at the photo. It showed a four year old Lily and her parents hugging her.

'If my parents are dead, I'd cry,' James said.

'And what if you can't? What if you can't cry?' Lily said in a quiet tone. James hadn't heard it ever since the news of her parents' death came to her.

'I'll still cry anyway. There's no such things as not being able to cry.'

'I can't cry, even if I wanted to. I'm just a block of ice now.'

'There's no such thing! See, you're warm!' James said, taking Lily's hands.

'My body's warm, that's all. My soul is an ice. My heart has froze. I'm just nothing more else like an empty shell.'

James stared at her. 'You're an empty shell if the Dementors gave you the Kiss, not before.'

'No. The Dementors did administer the Kiss to me.'

'I hadn't even seen one nearing you.'

'They did. In my dreams. Sometimes, I'd rather die than face all of these. I heard you talking to Sirius, Remus and Peter.'

'Lily, what rubbish are you talking about?'

'You just took care of me because your mother asked you to, didn't you? She was afraid for me, which isn't really a good thing.'

'Why not? She did it for you.'

'Maybe because I don't want anyone to. I want to be free again. To melt the ice. The joy of being myself once more. It was the best feeling ever. I can't remember it now, but I wish I did. If your mother didn't ask you to, will you take care of me?'

James didn't answer this.

'You wouldn't, would you? I don't think so. Maybe I should just leave now? Just leave and be free?'

'What do you mean, Lily?'

'To leave and forget everything of existance is maybe the best thing ever. It may also be the most miserable one. Have you any idea why I'm changing personalities?'

'You're too shocked.'

'No. I changed it myself. I wanted to know how it felt like to be carefree and full of joy. Not a thought at mind.'

'But the doctor said-'

'He did say so, but they say that you know yourself best. I changed myself, in hopes that I can forget. So I can be free again. To be without a care.'

'But everyone's worried when you changed, Lily!'

'Are they? What does it even mean to me? Does it help? Do you know how my parents died?'

James shook his head. 'Mom never said.'

'Voldemort. He killed them. He wanted me, but they stood in my place. I wanted to be free from all these guilty pangs about myself. Why did I even become a witch? Why am I a freak? Why didn't I use my magic to protect them even when I had my wand? Overall, why am I even here? Why?'

'Lily-'

'Voldemort wanted me, but my parents took my death. He wanted me,' Lily said silently. No tears poured from her eyes. Not even a drop of it appeared in her huge, green eyes.

'Why would he want you?'

'I don't know. But I know I should have given up myself to him. I was afraid. I hid behind my parents. They tried to comfort me, but Voldemort killed them. Doesn't this just sound like a story? It reminded me of one I used to watch with my parents.

'Now that you'd known the whole story that you wanted to know, I think it's time I leave. I just want to know the feeling of being free again, and if leaving is the choice, I guess I'll just have to do it,' Lily said, smiling at James.

James' mind tried to interpret what she meant by all of those. 'Wait, you aren't going to-'

Lily calmly pointed her wand at herself.

'You see, I know magic strong enough to use it already. Enough to kill a weak girl.'

'Lily, you're not weak and you knew that! Grow up!'

'I'd grown up for seventeen years already and I'll be eighteen pretty soon.'

'I mean your head, idiot!'

'I'm not an idiot, James, and if I plan to do it, I will.'

'_Expelliarmus!_' James cried, knocking Lily's wand from her hand. It flew straight to him and he caught it deftly.

'Lily, are you okay?' James asked, hurrying to her. She lay, fainted. 'Lily, come on! Wake up!! I don't want mom after my head if she finds out you kill yourself! She promised your mother that you'll go on! Lily!!'

She didn't even stir.

'Lily, wake up! Come on! The ice-cream vendor's here!'

Nothing.

'Lily, come on!! Just get up! The ice-cream vendor is waiting!'

James sighed. 'Lily, just do me a favor and get up! Come on! Okay, I'll tell you the truth. If mother didn't ask me to, I'll still take care of you. I always will. I'd always taken care of you ever since we were still young.'

Lily didn't move.

'So, see, I'm also a coward. I didn't dare tell you that I like you. I took care of you because I do. I really, really do like you.'

Still no response.

'Lily, please, don't die! We still have to get Killy to go out with Sirius on the ball, remember? And you still had to attend the ball with me! Please, get up! Fight the dark!'

James took a deep breath.

'Remember the fairy-tales last time? When we were only about – what, eight or nine? You liked the Sleeping Beauty one, right? Just last night you'd begged me to read it again with you, but I didn't, 'cause I'm too tired. If you wake up now, I promise that I'll read it with you.

'Hey, don't kill me if you do wake up, okay?'

James leant down to kiss her full on her lips.

'Aren't you gonna wake up now?' James pleaded her.

'Hello? Lily? Did James just killed you?' Sirius said, shaking a hand above her head.

Remus and Peter waltz in from the boys' dorm with a large bell in their hands. Peter started ringing the bell loudly and Remus shouted 'Ice-cream! Ice-cream!'

Lily began to stir and her head swam back to her. James breathed a sigh of relief.

'Where? Where where where?' Lily asked, jumping up suddenly.

'How come when I tried that, it doesn't work?' James grumbled.

'You need more to just calling ice-cream! You need the bell!' Remus laughed.

'Typical. It worked a while ago.'

'Aw, shucks. No ice-cream. Oh well,' Lily said, transfiguring Sirius' pancake into an ice-cream cone before eating it.

'You think she's cured now?'

'At least she's acting more like an older girl,' James muttered.

'I heard that, James Potter!'

'I think she is. It sounds quite normal,' Sirius grinned.

'It doesn't. That's when she's fourteen.'

Lily started chasing after James with her wand. 'Come back!! You'd to admit that I'm seventeen; not fourteen or four or anything else!!!'

'She's most definitely back now,' James said, running from Lily.

'Oh, it's my turn now, James,' Sirius said, smiling mischievously.

'What?'

'Blackmail!!!!!!' Sirius, Remus and Peter cried, holding out a photo of James kissing Lily. Lily took one look at it.

'COME BACK HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That was my first kiss!!!!!!!! How dare you try it when I'm still unconcious!!!!!!' Lily said, turning red with embarassment and anger.

'Aaaah!! No! that was a photo they jinxed!' James cried.

'It is? Remus is quite good at that, so I think it is,' Lily said, sitting down cheerfully.

James breathed a relief.

'I think I'd better bring you to the fresh air now. You do need one.' And with that, James pushed Lily outside to the grounds. Once nearby the lake, they start throwing stones into it.

'Still want me to read Sleeping Beauty with you again?' James asked.

'Whatever for?' Lily replied, puzzled.

'Nothing. Just wondering. Remember that question you asked me?'

'Which? I asked loads.'

'Whether I'll still take care of you.'

'Yeah, I remembered that. You didn't answer. I assume it as a no.'

'I'll answer it now. It's a yes.'

'Why yes? I'll be troublesome. Tiring.'

'Because I'd taken care of you ever since we were young.'

'Then again, why?'

'Because Remus didn't jinx that photo. Neither did they made it,' James gulped.

'That means it really happened?' Lily was flaring in face again.

'Y- yes. 'fraid so. I'd take care of you, even if it means forever, because I love you.'

'Very wonderful. Explain why you stole my first kiss.'

'I mean it. A- and I bet your mom hadn't told you this yet: we're engaged.'

'WHAT?!'

'Mom told me in christmas, when your parents died. We're supposed to be engaged ever since we were born. Mom says she made a promise with your mother about it.'

'I don't believe you,' Lily said in a whisper.

'I don't believe it either. Until mom showed it to me.'

'Show what?'

'The promise they had made. If their children are a boy and a girl, they'll marry them.'

'Okay, why me and not Petunia?'

'Petunia's so much younger, isn't she? The moment your birth says you're a girl, they'd fixed that contract.'

'Wonderful. Without my permission?'

'Without our permission. So I still had to take care of you.'

'Because of that stupid engagement?'

'No. Not only that. Because I realize that I love you.'

That hit Lily hard.

'You what?'

'I- I love you.'

Lily was still too stunned to have it registered in her mind.

'You're kidding. You wouldn't want to love me.'

'Still, I had already, and there's nothing that could change it.'

'You're stupid. I'm planning to die really soon. My parents are my only hope for living and they're dead because of me. I really, really want to be free.'

'There's always another way. You can't die yet.'

'Why not? Soul is given to live and soon it'll be taken away. Why not?'

'Because you will mean my mother betraying yours.'

'Why? She did her job in taking care of me.'

'Because she promised that you will live on if your mother leaves. You'll just go on normally like normal.'

Lily took a deep breath. 'Still, I want to be free. As light as a wind. I wanted freedom.'

'And you wanted love, Lily. Your parents are the only ones that love you, aren't they? Petunia hating you because you're a witch and she isn't. You want to be loved.'

'Quite true. I still prefer freedom. Think of it, as free as a bird and to not even have a care in the world. You won't have feelings, you're just free. You can't think, but you can understand that you're free.'

'Well said, Lily, but before you leave, can I say something?'

'Go ahead.'

'Can I have your wand?'

'No.'

James kissed her once more on her lips.

'What was that for?'

'I'll leave with you if you want.'

'What? Why?'

'Because I live for you.'

Lily felt something stinging in her eyes.

'I'm sorry.'

'Hey, it's okay. Come on, I don't think you'll feel like leaving now, do you?'

Lily shook her head slowly. 'Thanks.'

'Whatever for?'

'For helping.'

'Okay, now when are you gonna kiss James? We have two where James kisses you, but we need another where you do the same to James!' Sirius said brightly from a nearby bush. Remus popped up beside him, covered by a few leaves and a couple of twigs.

'Sirius! Remus!' Lily exclaimed.

'That's right, us! Now are you gonna kiss him back now?' Sirius said, tapping his foot impatiently.

'No.'

'Come on, Lily!!! At least tell him you love him!' Remus pleaded.

'No!'

'Then that you like him?' Sirius suggested.

'No!!'

'Then tell him you're thankful!' Remus said.

'No!!!'

'Then tell him that you can't live without him, too!' Sirius said before pushing Lily hard at James.

'I most certainly will,' Lily said firmly. 'But before that, don't you want this broadcasted to the whole school?'

Lily whipped out a photo from her robes pocket.

'Ah!!! Gimme back! Gimme back!!!' Sirius cried. Laughing hysterically, Lily and James ran off as Sirius ran after them, crying 'Gimme back! Gimme back!' at them. Remus watched everything with amusement.

'Wormtail?'

'Yeah? Can you help? I'm still stuck,' Peter said from under the bush. Remus sighed.

'Sure.' He helped Peter out.

'What're they fighting for now?' Peter asked.

'Lily just stole back the two photos we took and she is now holding the picture _she _took on Sirius' kiss,' Remus said. 'Some things'll never change. Ah well, we still have the negative to the taken photos.'

'Uh, Remus?'

'What?'

'I think I just bomb the negative…'

AN: Okay, I can't think of any titles and had actually considered on naming this Untitled. Also, I know this sounds rather weird since I'm writing this at a really unthinkable time. I know this is pointless and rather jaggedy, so sue me. Also, I thought I'd just post this really crappy thing just to get flames ^_^; Please review for me!


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